Kerala Tips

Happy New Year to all the readers of Kerala Tips. It has been an exciting year in Kerala and it promises to be much more exciting in 2008.

As a start, from the new year day onwards, Kerala Electricity Board imposed 30 minute power cuts (called affectionately as load shedding) across Kerala. If everything goes well, it may even get extended to one hour power cut since demand for power is growing all the time. “All Kerala Thieves Association” (AKTA) thanked electricity minister for the helpful gesture. They also offered to pay large amount to the party fund.

I wish they could impose 12 hour power cuts for all those idiots crying “save aathirappally”.

Our friendly minister continues to be friendly. I happened to see one of Mr. Sudhakaran’s speeches where he says - “avanenda unda koooduthalundo?” meaning “has he got extra balls?”. These kind of speeches are surely going to enrich Kerala’s rich cultural heritage. He needs to check his blood pressure quickly.

There has been good news all around. Our white elephant, KSRTC (Kerala State Road Transport Corporation) has made record collection in the month of December! The only catch is that the corporation loss per month is now 14 crore rupees. They have been introducing new buses which has less leg space and offers torture (which sometimes include backbone fracture if you use MC Road) for a fee.

Another good news is that Chalakkudy officially is the booze capital of Kerala. During Christmas and New Year, one single beverages shop sold over Rs. 10 lakhs worth alcohol. Kudos to all “kudiyans” from Chalakkudy - you guy rock! Just ensure that you don’t loose eyesight due to spurious liquor.

All Kerala Police Association, thanked Mr. Achuthanandan for increasing traffic fines from Rs. 100 to Rs. 1000. This helps poor policemen to increase their bribe from Rs.50 to Rs.250, offering them a staggering 500% increase!! They have also been given power to cancel driving licenses. “Wow! that offers unlimited bribe!” - quipped one constable in Trivandrum.

In one of his speeches, our chief minister said - “traffic accidents are due to bad behavior of drivers on the road” to which one guy in the audience asked - “but sakhave, where is the road?”

In another shocking news (this is serious news), central government gave permission to Kerala Government to import bulls from overseas. These videshi kuttaka bulls will be used to impregnate local cows roaming in Kerala. Kerala Livestock Development Board (ever heard of this?) will be importing bulls after conducting international tender process.

I urge all the Malayalees to protest against this. Don’t you think we have enough local bulls to impregnate cows here? It is a shame that we are depending on foreign bulls for offering sex to our own cows here. Damn it guys, this is yet another example of “videsha kuttakakal” (foreign monopolies) taking our way of life. We have so many young people here roaming around without jobs (40+ lakhs I think). Can’t they offer some kind of service?

I am arranging a 2 day dharna at our legislative assembly from 5th Jan to 7th Jan 2008 against the bull sex trade. Please be there to support us.

Happy New Year 2008 again and for those who are outside Kerala, I wish you could be here to enjoy the good things with us…

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