Traits of a Malayalee - mallu jokes
September 18th, 2007
You might be a Malayali…
If you can fit four passengers in the front seat of an Ambassador taxi, while in the back there are eight passengers and two children with their heads stuck out of the window, chances are, you are a Mallu going to attend your cousin’s wedding.
If you can run, ride a 100 cc motorbike without wearing a helmet, and play football, all while wearing a lungi tied halfmast, Malayali status!
If your late father left you a part of an old house as your inheritance, and you turned it into a “chaya kada” yes, you’re a Malayali.
If you have more than 5 relatives working in Gulf, Big Time Malayali…
If you have the words “Chinchu Mol + Jinchu Mol” written on the rear window of your Omni car, Yes, You ARE a Malayali.
If you refer to your husband as kettiyon; ithiyan, pillerude appan, guess what? You’re a Central Travancore Syrian Christian Malayali.
If you have more than three employee trade unions at your place of work then ask no further, you are indeed a Malayali.
If you have voted into power a Chief Minister who has not passed the 4th grade then ask no further, YOU ARE A MALAYALI.
If you have at least two relatives working in the US in the health industry, Yes! Malayali!
If you religiously buy a lottery ticket every week, then you’re in the Malayali Zone!
If you describe a woman as “charrakku” Yep! Malayali!
If you constantly refer to banana as “benana” or pizza as “pissa” you’re a Malayali..
If you are going out to see a movie at the local theater with your wifey wearing all the gold jewellery gifted to her by her parents, you area newly married Malayali..
If you and your wife and three children dress up in your Sunday best and go out to have biriyani at Kayikka’s on a 100 cc Bajaj mobike, you an upwardly mobile Malayali from Cochin.
If your idea of haute cuisine is kappa and meen curry, then, yes, you are a Malayali…
If you have beef puttu for breakfast, beef olathu for lunch, and beef curry with “borotta” for dinner, yeah, definitely Malayali.
If your name Wilson, and your wife’s name is Baby, and you name your daughter Wilby, have no doubts at all, you are a standard Malayali.
If most of the houses on your block are painted puke yellow, fluorescent green, and bright pink, definitely Malappuram Malayali.
If you tie a towel around your head and burst into a raucous rendition of the song “Kuttanadan Punjayile” after having three glasses of toddy, Then you are a hardcore Malayali
If you call appetizers served with alcoholic beverages as “touchings” then you are one helluva Malayali.
If the local toddy shop owner knows you by your pet name and you call him “Porinju Chetta” then you are true Malayali.
If you’re sick and you’re wifey rubs “Bicks” into your nostrils and gives you “kurumulaku rasam” with chakkara, (grandma’s recipe) to help relieve Your symptoms, Damn!! You’re Malayali.
IF YOU DON’T NEED ANY EXPLANATIONS FOR ANY OF THE ABOVE, YOU KNOW THAT YOU ARE THE REAL McCOY, A BLUE BLOOD MALAYALI.
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September 18th, 2007 at 7:58 pm
“If you can fit four passengers in the front seat of an Ambassador taxi, while in the back there are eight passengers and two children with their heads stuck out of the window, chances are, you are a Mallu going to attend your cousin’s wedding.” - Even non mallus do this na?
If you and your wife and three children dress up in your Sunday best and go out to have biriyani at Kayikka’s on a 100 cc Bajaj mobike, you an upwardly mobile Malayali from Cochin.–THREE kids…na, u got that wrong!!
And CM who has completed class 4! Hey, Umman Chandy, AK Antony etc were LLBs or prolly PGs, and EK Nayanar, Achummaman etc may be primary school “pass outs” coz during those times, class 4 was worth a degree!! plz, dont demean the state with such comments!!
Regards
Nikhil
September 18th, 2007 at 8:30 pm
@Nikhil
This post is intended to be humorous - and that it is. And since it is written by a Malayalie, there really is no malicious intent. So don’t worry about it
October 11th, 2007 at 2:33 pm
Sick jokes!
December 14th, 2007 at 6:37 pm
ninakku kadiyanenkinl mantheda. rascal… malayalikaloda avante kali.
February 8th, 2008 at 2:20 pm
That shows a mallu attitude. cant even enjoy a harmless joke! but eager to criticise
March 22nd, 2008 at 11:36 pm
@Never say die
“That shows a mallu attitude..” FYI.. normally jokes are enjoyed by people if the joke is not on you.. and suppose if the joke is on you, a person may still not mind it as long as it is kept to a limited number of (close) people..
but jokes like these, which are put up on a website for all to see, serves only as a means of disgracing the whole of malayalee community when there is a just a small fraction of people that do such things (some of them i don’t think are even done by malayalees!)..
apply your thoughts to it and you may realize!
March 30th, 2008 at 1:35 am
As the comments given above, the guys who are reading these stuffs, will really get hurt. But we can be sure of one thing that all are jealous of our presence in all the fields of the life. BRAVO MALAYALEE…ANTONY.
April 1st, 2008 at 2:29 pm
can TOTALLY identify wth the jokes!!!
hey, are these all originals?? this reads like a fwd, but haebnt received this fwd til now, if it is.
loved every one of the points.
and dont pay any attention to criticisms of this post.
Mallus are supposed to have a sense of humour, right??
the same post, coming from a non mallu, even I wouldnt have liked it.
Bt hey, when a mallu bashes the mallu culture, im with u!!
July 7th, 2008 at 5:29 pm
adipoli brother..
I hope u dont mind if i put them on my blog…
cheers
July 10th, 2008 at 7:01 pm
I don’t feel anything hard to digest in these. These are a part of our culture and there is no exaggeration. We should laugh at ourselves and try to improve ourselves if we can help it. One more addition to these - If you find a person in moon or Antartica, he will be a Malayali!!! What better to describe about Malayali’s resourcefulness and ability to succeed against all odds.